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| 2010 Election Campaign Poster |
“I know my limitations, and I don't like politics. I was only involved because of my husband.” -Corazon Aquino
“Ang bayang naglalakbay sa dilim, matagal nang naghihintay ng liwanag ng katotohanan, kalinisan, integridad, lalo na sa pamamagitan ng malinis na eleksyon.” -Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle
“I know these candidates. Their heart goes out to the poor. They understand the poor's needs and they are ready to respond to the problems in Mindanao. This is why I am endorsing all the candidates of UNA nationwide.” - Boxing champ Manny Pacquiao
For my fourth blog entry, I shall be sharing one of the most life-changing experiences I encountered during my first year in DLSU. For what they are worth, these experiences are very dear and important to me.
Towers and Mirrors of the Same Experiences: My Story, July 2010
If there is one thing, more than any others which I would like to slightly touch on about my experience that would be the attempted assassination of my father. Up to this day, seeing the story being typed by my own hands and projected towards my laptop’s screen bring me to tears. The experience of seeing my father immobile in a hospital bed while bathed in blood but still smiling to me whispering saying that everything is going to be all right still breaks my heart.If the universe did not conspire in our favor, if my father and my sisters left home any later for school, all my five younger sisters could have been dead also and the thought of it makes me sick. The hardship my father and I felt when we flee home just to make sure that we will shake off the tracks of the killers is still one of the best decisions I made in my life. At that moment, when I told mama that I would not be coming home for several months so I could be with papa and the look in here teary eyes is one of the things that I would never forget. Everything about that day and the days that followed brought me fears and uncertainty. But the one thing which I was brave about is this: I do not care what happens to me – I will do everything, check everything, and make sure of everything just to keep my father safe. I would gladly and unhesitatingly take bullets for papa if it has to happen again and I am not afraid even up until today.
When I finally have to come home and part with papa, I had always seen myself awake at night and crying silently. The angles being taken into consideration by the authorities are unbelievable – among many others, papa was attempted to be killed because he was doing the right thing. I could not believe it at first but it eventually sunk deep into me – I am not living in a heavenly place and I do not inhabit it with angels.
The pain of seeing my classmates happy and carefree at school makes me envious. Being a frosh at DLSU has its perks but in instances like this, being in DLSU has its burdens. I have to attend school and relate to my duties as president of class and as a student independent of what I was experiencing. I was even the president of our community service class. And sometimes, I even mock myself of the irony of my situation. And the worst part of it all was the fact that I kept all of it to myself. I have never felt so afraid and alone.
Yet my father still ran next elections. The fear that overcame me was astounding. I thought that my heart would stop beating any moment. I had to think fast. I am sure that I would not be able to be with him, or protect him at most. And so I decided to run as SK Chairman side by side with him. And in the same confluence and timeframe of related events, I have seen my father marginalized for the second time, by the very people close to our heart and whose same blood runs also to mine. I experienced the dirt and stench of power play in the electoral politics first hand. That though your intentions are noble, it is impossible to make change without siding with the bad in some points. This realization brought me up close with the fact that the good and noble ones are the marginalized faction in the game of Philippine electoral politics and we are not alone, there are many marginalized good ones out there.
Inasmuch as I would like to divulge the specific scenarios and stories, I stopped myself from doing so. I have not yet battled down my own demons and the demons who tried to take the most of me, of us. Until the time I gained victory over them, I shall contemplate in silence. Then later I realized that this is the aftermath of marginalization, that I am marginalized also in more ways than one.
Marginalization proffers the opportunity towards eternal subjugation or the victory of freedom. And to choose the former is to marginalize ourselves even further. Papa chose to be strong. And I did my best not let my personal life’s experiences spill over my academic life. Now, all of us are in a better place though the nightmares of what happened 2 years ago will never be forgotten. And so if I am to maintain my marks and graduate with magna or summa cum laude two terms from now, I shall be prouder. For I have grabbed it in times when others could have faltered. It shall be a recognition and testimony of my strength in the most difficult of times. It shall be my moment of victory over my countless marginalizations. (As how I recounted it during GREATWK, Term 2, A.Y. 2012-2013)
When does resistance come into play?
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| taken during one of our feeding programs |
- My resistance to fear: When you see your father laying bloodily at a hospital bed, penetrated by numerous gun shots, it is very understandable if you would fear. Taken at a deeper level, it would be understandable too if you will shower yourself with precautions. Because people who make a living out of killing other people, taking lives, only get to be paid in full when their job is done.
In my case instead of succumbing to fear, I chose to become stronger. Because during that time, I thought about my father. When everyone, even my family and our relatives are already living in fear, who would be strong for my father? Indeed, it was one call that I would never regret. When I chose to live with my father and leave our home behind, I was torn apart. I was asking so many questions about the fairness of life and all only to have myself reminded that the world is not a safe place anymore.
I could choose to take in all the fear, pain and what-ifs. What if Papa did not survive it? Would I be able to ever get over it? I am a Papa's girl. And a tragedy (averted) like that is something that could shake even my strongest beliefs. But instead of bowing down to these, I chose to be the best person I could be. I fulfilled my various duties - being president of the block and the community service class (among many others) - with dedication. I realized that even if I shut out the rest of the world, what has been done is done. It will be better to move forward and learn from it. I continued my usual academic routine and I never fell out of the Dean's Honors List. I did not let my personal life spill over my academic life. Even if everything can be really personal, it helps to create the demarcation, it helps to choose to be courageous even if everyone expects you to falter. Through all these, I have resisted and I have prevailed. - My father's resistance against the threat to his life: I can not share much about this because I have always believed, since then, that this is not entirely my story to tell. But what can I say is this: my father remained strong for our family even if he had partially gave up security for himself. He is really one virtuous man and I am glad that he is my father.
- Voters' retaliation against the elitistic festival of elections: This is one of the most unbelievable parts of my experiences. I have seen and experienced first hand how people would demand money out of you in exchange for their votes. Indeed, it is no long vote buying, but rather, vote selling. The voters are the ones who will be approaching you and selling the candidates their votes at a fair price. For the elites, elections might be a fiesta.But for those who are deeply deprived in life, election is a one-time clandestinely operated black market where they could grab that opportunity to profit something where only the elites have the capacity to extract the most gains.
For me this is a type of resistance. Rather than actually succumbing to the fear as imposed by powerful people, the deprived make a business out of it. They attempt to create a nearly-equal playing field where the powerful could stoop down to their level to transact. This is resistance in its most unbelievable forms. Most especially now that the elections is already automated and votes are all the more secured than ever, these deprived people have been given power, collateral power, by this circumstance.
Come election time, I was being asked if I was willing to shell out cash in exchange for votes. For those people who know me the answer is absolute, no. I could not fathom the reality and be part of it - that I am bribing kids my age in exchange for a position in a government that has never been fully accountable to its people. I may have lost but I was able to preserve my ideals and that is the most important thing for me. I may not be a hardcore idealist but there are facets of my personality that will forever be clinging to the virtuous aspect of human nature. When we choose to be realists, it does not mean that we have to surrender these principles.In a world like this, that is only one of the very few things that could elevate us to better horizons.
At the end of the day, it does not matter most if we have failed entirely. The measure of our humanity is not the battles that we have lost but the ones that we have fought with all our heart and soul. Reality may attempt to steal from us the concept of genuine victory given the many atrocious powers that make the world move. But as the ordinary peoples, (even the partially powerful), giving them a hard time to suck us dry of our few possessions, both ethereal and real, is a form of resistance that makes us better people every single time. ✻
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