A Truce, An Apology and a Tradeoff: The Reasons Why I Abandoned This Blog and 3 Others

And this is the summary of all the of reasons why I deliberately neglected my blog for nearly three weeks (up to the point that I nearly forgot my password): I am secretive, I am a very private person and I keep everything within the walls of my head.

Of Playing and Weeping: A Garden Full of Flowers, Our Nipa Hut Full of Beautiful Dolls and a Glass Half Filled with San Mig Pale Pilsen 

I STILL REMEMBER my growing up years - I prefer keeping to myself, I prefer reading (all the time) more than watching television, I prefer singing only when I'm alone, I paint when no one is looking etc etc. But I'm not totally secluded of course.Me being alone most of the times do not mean that I lack wonderful memories. Most of you might even get surprised :)

At Camp John Hay Manor, my most favorite weekend getaway in the world, November 2012

I remember playing with my father and mother and my baby sister Jelay (we were still just 2 back then) at our garden full of flowers - the rare yellowbells; santan flowers of blue, red, pink and yellow; gumamela plants in full bloom and many more. Papa and Mama commissioned a Nipa Hut for my sisters and I (this time, 3cia, my third sister was already born). Our Nipa Hut was cool and beautiful - all of our beautiful stuff toys were inside it - Jelay's favorite snake doll, 3cia's B1 and B2 dolls. It was full of dolls and it was my paradise. We used to sleep there during siesta while Yaya Inday weave coconut leaves into balls and mama and papa prepare our merienda.

It was also at our lovely Nipa Hut where I took my first alcoholic drink at the age of 7. I was so, so thirsty and tired of playing mud with Jelay (we only do that when the parents are not around) and yaya was nowhere in sight. At the Nipa Hut was an apple-juice-colored liquid which I thought to be so. I drank it without grasping for air only to find out later that I drank a half glass of San Mig Pale Pilsen.

I still remember all of those memories vividly (and many more beautiful ones which I will keep to myself because I am selfish like that) until now even if our garden is no longer as lively as before and even if our beloved Nipa Hut is no longer standing.

People say that being alone is lonely, that being alone shows that one is rejected by the mini society and convention that surround them. Well, that's where they are wrong. Because I believe that people only succumb to too much loneliness if:

1. they were so lonely for a very long period of time without any hint of redemption
2. they face an insurmountable obstacle at a single point in timethat have sucked all the happiness out of their frail souls and, 
3. (the most important) they were not able to collect and remember beautiful memories that could remind them how beautiful life is.

 Indeed, I am alone (most of the times). But I am happy. And now, you all know why :)

I Wanted to be an Astrophysicist, an Engineer or a Chemical Scientist

I am inclined with the sciences and had always been. I love science very much and math as well even if we have "MUs" (misunderstandings) when he gets too annoying. As a kid, whenever I am asked of what I wanted to be when I grow up, I always answered, "a scientist!"

True. I wrote often. I was part of the school paper. My poems are often published. I never lost at writing contests. One play which I wrote (with a support from 2 others) in high school was adapted into a full-time play and won best play and was also consequently published. But I never took it as a career path or anything serious. For me, writing was a hobby and nothing more. I was in-love with something else and that is where I poured all my heart and dedication.

The Investigative Study Poster installed when my team and I competed at UP Diliman in 2010

During my HS years, I often competed for science fairs. On 2 consecutive occasions, I, in one with my very capable team, was able to represent the Malabon-Navotas district for the Regional Science fair. It was not pure competition that fueled me, but love towards that thing which is close to my heart. I spent days and weeks at the science lab and mock defense. I poured my soul into what I was doing and it makes me feel really happy.

Truly, all the medals, the on-stage recognitions and school recognition re-calls during gatherings are a plus.

And so, it would not be a surprise for anyone who knew me then that I wanted to be an astrophysicist and it was nearing high school graduation. I was informed that the course is not widely taught in here that I even planned taking it abroad and the rest is history. How I arrived at Political Science is the one decision that I would never regret. It makes me smile every single time.

At DLSU, my first course choice was Political Science and here is why: I did not took a science course because my sisters will be taking science courses. It's so freaking irrational but it's true. Jelay wanted to be a cosmetic surgeon (but is afraid of blood), 3cia wanted to be a brain surgeon (but found our later that she was afraid of blood, too), JJ wants to be an architect or civil engineer (up to now), JM wants to be a doctor (steadfast to it until now). I wanted to be different and also, my contention was this: "in case any of you will be charged with medical malpractice, you'll be needing a lawyer and you will be needing me."

I was so wrong about Political Science being nothing but a pre-law course. Now I have realized its potential especially with the kind of career path I am traversing currently. But to exhaust my thoughts on this would require another loooong blog post.



What I realized about life is this, there are just things that we will never know. We might appear and feel to be sure of something now, but the future might be thinking of something better for us, for a good reason. 

At PolSci, I learned how to socialize and mingle and have fun (of course not withstanding the painful coursework, duh >:) I got deeply entangled with a nearly 3-year relationship which I never regret. I got to experience a different brand of happiness which I will be thankful for forever.

But what you have to understand about me is this: I am a very secretive and info-selfish person. I keep most things to myself and it does not bother. I value my privacy inasmuch as I value my silence.

And these are the summary of reasons why I deliberately neglected my blog for nearly three weeks (up to the point that I nearly forgot my password): I am secretive, I am a very private person and I keep everything within the walls of my head and a blog, which is supposed to be personal and not just static violates all of this, bigtime.

But now, I have readied myself to share a little. 
Just like what I did just now :)

And when I write, I always write straight from the heart. ❥